Alright, alright, let’s talk about this… uh… “universal-tao astrology calculator” thingamajig. Sounds fancy, don’t it? Like somethin’ them city folks would use.
What’s this star stuff all about anyway? I tell ya, back in my day, we didn’t have no fancy calculators. We looked at the sky, felt the wind, and knew what was what. But these young folks, they like their gadgets, so I guess this here calculator thing is for them.

Now, from what I gather, this calculator thingy tells ya about your… your “birth chart.” Sounds like a doctor’s paper, but it ain’t. It’s about where all them planets were when you were born. Sun, moon, all them twinkly things up there. They say it tells ya stuff about yourself, like if you’re gonna be rich or if you’re stubborn like a mule… haha which I am!
They got these big words, see? Like “Sun sign” and “Moon sign” and “rising sign.” Don’t ask me what it all means. But the Sun sign, that’s like the main one, they say. It’s who you are deep down, like if you’re a good person or not. The Moon sign, that’s your feelings, how you get all emotional when your favorite soap opera is cancelled. And that rising sign, that’s how other folks see ya, like if they think you’re a sweet old lady or a grumpy one.
- Sun sign: Who you really are.
- Moon sign: Your feelings, you know, happy, sad, all that.
- Rising sign: How people see ya when they first meet ya.
And get this, them old-timey alchemists, they used this star stuff too! They figured out when to do their… their “alchemy” work. Sounds like magic, don’t it? They matched up the planets with metals. Like the sun with gold, and the moon with silver. Maybe that’s how they got so rich, who knows!
Now, if you’re worried about money, this calculator might help too. They say some parts of your birth chart show if you’re gonna be rollin’ in dough or scrapin’ by. There’s somethin’ called the “Second House” and the “Eleventh House.” Sounds like fancy houses, but it just means different parts of your chart. Second house is your money and how you feel about it, eleventh house is getting money from, you know, work or whatever. If you got good planets in those houses, maybe you’ll win the lottery! Or maybe not… dont get your hopes up now!
This calculator thing, it ain’t just one kind. There’s all sorts. Some give ya a little bit of information, like a free sample at the grocery store. Others give ya a whole book, tellin’ ya everything from your love life to how you’re gonna die… which I hope it doesnt do, I dont want to know! Some are even mixed with that Chinese star stuff. They got different animals and elements and all that. Sounds complicated, if you ask me. I heard they even got courses you can take to learn all this star stuff. Eight days! That’s a long time to be talkin’ about planets. They call it “Inner Alchemy Astrology.” Sounds like somethin’ a witch doctor would do.
And if you don’t like calculators, you can get books and booklets too. They got all sorts of ‘em. Some tell ya about your “daily character,” whatever that means. Others give ya a whole report, pages and pages of star stuff. It’s enough to make your head spin.

So, what do I think about this “universal-tao astrology calculator?” Well, I reckon it’s just another way for folks to try and figure out life. We all want answers, don’t we? Whether you look to the stars or to the ground, it’s all the same, just looking for a little guidance and trying to make sense of it all. Maybe this calculator can give you some answers, or maybe it’ll just confuse you more. But hey, it’s somethin’ to think about, ain’t it? And if it helps ya feel better about yourself or make more money, then I guess it’s worth a try.
But don’t forget to look up at the real sky every now and then. That’s where the real magic is. And don’t take it all too seriously. Life’s too short to be worryin’ about what the planets are doin’. Just try to be a good person, work hard, and enjoy the ride… and maybe buy a lottery ticket once in a while.
Tags: [astrology, tao, birth chart, calculator, sun sign, moon sign, rising sign, alchemy, planets, financial astrology, Chinese astrology, inner alchemy]