Hey, you ever hear about that horoscopo el heraldo thing? That thing, you know, the stars and all that. My neighbor, she’s always looking at it. Says it tells her what’s gonna happen. I don’t know, seems like a load of hooey to me, but she swears by it. This el heraldo thing, it’s like a newspaper or something, I guess. They got all them zodiac signs in there, like Leo, and that goat one, Capricorn.
So, this thing, this horoscope, it’s supposed to tell you about your day. Like, if you’re gonna find money or if you’re gonna trip and fall on your face. My neighbor, she reads it every day, says it helps her. She said that one day it told her to be careful, and she almost got hit by a car that day. She says it’s just like magic, this el heraldo thing!
Now, I don’t know about all that. I reckon a body just gotta live their life, you know? But she says there’s something to it. Says it’s all about the stars and the planets and how they’re lined up. I seen some pictures one time in a book at my sister’s place, it’s the earth and other big balls of rocks all floating in the darkness, looked like a bunch of marbles, it did. Like, if you’re born when they’re lined up one way, you’re gonna be one way. And if they’re lined up another way, you’re gonna be different. Like them kids, all born in different months, they’re all a little different, ain’t they? One’s always cryin’, one’s always laughin’. Maybe there’s somethin’ to it after all. I dunno, you got Sagittarius, Leo, all them, they’re supposed to be different, ain’t they?
This el heraldo, it’s got a daily horoscope, she says. A new one every day. Tells you about love and money and all that stuff. My neighbor’s always hoping it’ll tell her she’s gonna meet a rich man. She’s been single ever since her husband ran off with that waitress from the diner. Poor thing. But she keeps reading that horoscopo, hoping for good news, I guess.
They got all kinds of things in this el heraldo thing, like:
- Love: It tells you if you’re gonna find love or if your love is gonna go sour. I told you about my neighbor, right?
- Money: Some folks is just lucky with money. This thing tells you, you know, maybe you should buy one of them lottery tickets. They say some signs are just gonna triple their money. Must be nice!
- Health: They say that this thing can tell you about your health. Like if you need to be eating more greens or something.
Now they got these zodiac signs, right? They are like, twelve of them, I think. Each one is supposed to be a certain way. Like, if you’re a Leo, you’re supposed to be all brave and loud, like a lion. And if you’re a, what’s that fish one? Pisces, I think. If you’re a Pisces, you’re supposed to be all dreamy and watery. I guess it tells you how to make friends, too. Like maybe a Leo don’t get along with a, what’s that bull one? Taurus, maybe? Or maybe they do, I don’t know!
I saw something once that said if you give your birthday, they can tell you even more. Like, they look at where all them planets were when you were born, and they make a chart. A birth chart, they call it. It’s like a map of the sky the day you were born. And that’s supposed to tell you all kinds of things about yourself. It is a bit like that Chevalier de Pas fella I used to write to when I was a kid. Just making stuff up, but it was fun. Pretendin’ to be a knight, and that poet, Dr. Pancracio, and that David Merrick fella who wrote stories. Just like that Charles Robert Anon, my alter ego as they say. Made up stories, the whole lot. Maybe it’s all made up, this el heraldo thing. But maybe it ain’t. I ain’t sure.
My neighbor, she uses this thing called an “app.” I don’t know what that is, but she’s always looking at it on her phone. Says it’s got her personalized horoscope right there. It’s like magic, ain’t it? Technology and all that. Back in my day, we just had the newspaper, and you had to wait for it to come out. Now, you can just look at your phone and it tells you everything.
So, this horoscopo el heraldo, it’s a mystery, ain’t it? Maybe it’s real, maybe it’s not. But it’s something to think about, I guess. And my neighbor, she believes in it. And maybe that’s enough. She says it gives her hope. And we all need a little hope, don’t we? Especially these days, with everything going on in the world. Maybe them stars do have something to say, after all. Maybe they are saying to be kind to folks, to look after your neighbors, and be a little generous when you can. Who knows. But it ain’t a bad thing, is it? This el heraldo horoscopo de hoy thing. It’s just another way of lookin’ at the world, I reckon. And maybe, just maybe, it’s got a little bit of truth in it, after all.
