Well, let me tell ya ’bout this here zodiac calendar thing. It’s a whole bunch of hooey, if you ask me, but some folks swear by it. They say it tells ya about yer personality and what kinda luck you’re gonna have. Don’t make a lick of sense to me, but here’s what I’ve heard tell.
First off, they got these signs, like animals and such. Twelve of ’em, they say. Like Aries, that’s a ram, I think. They say them Aries folks are born ‘tween March 21st and April 19th. Stubborn as mules, most likely. Then comes Taurus, the bull. April 20th to May 20th, them folks are. Slow and steady, like a cow chewin’ its cud.

After that, we got Gemini, the twins. May 21st to June 20th. Two-faced, probably. Can’t trust ’em, I bet. Then there’s Cancer, the crab. June 21st to July 22nd. Always crabbin’ about somethin’, I reckon. And lemme tell ya, every year, the sun gets into Cancer on the same day as that Summer Solstice. Hotter than a furnace, it gets.
- Aries: March 21 – April 19
- Taurus: April 20 – May 20
- Gemini: May 21 – June 20
- Cancer: June 21 – July 22
And it goes on and on. Leo, the lion, they say. Born ‘tween July 23rd and August 22nd. Think they’re the king of the jungle, I suppose. Then Virgo, the virgin. August 23rd to September 22nd. Too good for the rest of us, huh? Libra, the scales, September 23rd to October 22nd. Always weighin’ things out, can’t make up their minds.
And don’t forget Scorpio, the scorpion. October 23rd to November 21st. Sting ya if you ain’t careful. Sagittarius, the archer, November 22nd to December 21st. Always shootin’ their mouths off, I bet. Capricorn, the goat, December 22nd to January 19th. Stubborn like that Aries fella, I’d wager.
Then we’re gettin’ towards the end, with Aquarius, the water bearer, January 20th to February 18th. Always carryin’ on about somethin’, I imagine. And finally, Pisces, the fish, February 19th to March 20th. Swimmin’ in circles, most likely.
Now, they say all these signs got somethin’ to do with the sun and the moon and all them planets up there. Said that on March 1st the Sun was in some kinda ‘Pisces’ thing, sextile Jupiter and in somethin’ called ‘Taurus’. I dunno, sounds like a whole lotta mumbo jumbo to me. They talk about new moons and full moons and planets goin’ backwards and forwards. Makes my head spin just thinkin’ about it.
They even got these things called horoscopes. Tell ya what yer gonna do each day, accordin’ to yer sign. Says stuff like, “You’re gonna meet a tall, dark stranger,” or “You’re gonna come into some money.” Never happened to me, I tell ya. But some folks read ’em every day, like it’s the gospel truth.

This here zodiac calendar, it’s like a big circle, they say. Starts with Aries and goes all the way ’round to Pisces, then starts all over again. Just like the seasons, I guess. Spring, summer, fall, and winter. Maybe there’s somethin’ to it, maybe there ain’t. But folks been lookin’ at the stars for ages, tryin’ to figure things out. Me, I just look at the sky and see if it’s gonna rain. That’s all the predictin’ I need.
So, if you wanna know more about this zodiac stuff, you can go look it up. There’s books and websites and all sorts of things. Just don’t come cryin’ to me if it don’t make no sense. I told ya it was a bunch of hooey from the start. They say you can get your money back if you don’t like what the astrological calendar tells ya, but I reckon that’s just another way to get you to buy somethin’. Just live yer life the best ya can, and don’t worry too much about what the stars say. That’s my advice, anyway.
And they got dates and times for all of it. And they say it’s the same every year, like clockwork. Well, I guess somethin’s gotta be regular in this crazy world. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go feed the chickens. Them hens don’t care nothin’ about no zodiac.
But I did hear some folks say that you can go and look up your ‘astrological sign’ and figure out when it begins and ends. Apparently it’s got somethin’ to do with how the sun moves around in the sky. And each ‘sign’ is supposed to have some kind of ‘energy’ and ‘archetype’. Big words for somethin’ so silly if you ask me, but there you have it.
Tags: [zodiac, calendar, astrological signs, horoscope, Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces, sun, moon, planets]