Well, howdy there, folks! Let’s yak a bit ’bout them calendar zodiac signs, ya know, the things them city folks are always goin’ on about. I ain’t no scholar, mind you, but I’ve heard a thing or two ’bout it from the radio and them magazines at the grocery store.
So, first off, what in tarnation are these signs, huh? They say it’s all tied to when you were born. Like, if you popped out in the spring, you might be a Ram, or somethin’ like that. They call it Aries, sounds fancy, don’t it? But it just means you’re stubborn like a mule, or so they say. My old man was a Ram, and let me tell ya, he was as stubborn as they come!

Then there’s Taurus, the Bull. Them folks are supposed to be steady and strong, like a good ol’ workhorse. My neighbor, Martha, she’s a Bull, and she can work circles around any man I know. She’s tough as nails, that one.
- And after that comes Gemini, the Twins. They say them folks are two-faced, always changin’ their minds. Can’t say I know too many Twins, but seems like a whole lotta trouble to me.
- Then you got Cancer, the Crab. Now, don’t go thinkin’ it’s that nasty sickness. This here Crab is all about bein’ homey and lovin’. My niece is a Crab, and she’s always fussin’ over everyone, makin’ sure we’re all fed and comfortable.
- Next up is Leo, the Lion. Them Leos, they like to be the center of attention, like a rooster in a henhouse. They’re loud and proud, and they ain’t afraid to roar. Saw a fella on TV, a Leo, he was always yellin’ and makin’ a fuss.
- After Leo comes Virgo, the Virgin. They’re supposed to be all neat and tidy, always cleanin’ and organizin’. Wish I had a bit more Virgo in me, my house is a mess most of the time.
- Then you got Libra, the Scales. They’re all about balance and fairness, always tryin’ to keep things even. My lawyer, he’s a Libra, and he’s always talkin’ about justice and all that.
And then comes Scorpio, the Scorpion. Ooh, them folks are mysterious and intense, like a deep well. They say you don’t wanna cross a Scorpio, ’cause they got a sting to ’em. My ex-husband was a Scorpio, and let’s just say things didn’t end well.
Then there’s Sagittarius, the Archer. They’re supposed to be adventurous and free-spirited, always lookin’ for somethin’ new. My grandson, he’s an Archer, always runnin’ off and gettin’ into trouble. But he’s got a good heart, that boy.
And after that comes Capricorn, the Goat. Them folks are hardworking and ambitious, always climbin’ to the top. My daughter, she’s a Goat, and she’s always workin’ late at the office, tryin’ to get ahead.
Then there’s Aquarius, the Water Bearer. They’re supposed to be unique and independent, marchin’ to the beat of their own drum. My friend, Sarah, she’s a Water Bearer, and she’s definitely one of a kind. Always got some crazy ideas, that one.
And last but not least, there’s Pisces, the Fish. They’re supposed to be dreamy and sensitive, always lost in their own little world. My neighbor’s boy is a Fish, always starin’ off into space, kinda dreamy like, you know. But he’s a sweet kid.

Now, I heard tell there’s another sign they tryin’ to sneak in there, somethin’ called Ophiuchus. Sounds like a mouthful to me. They say it’s the Serpent Bearer, or some such nonsense. I ain’t got no time for that extra stuff, twelve is plenty enough for me to keep track of. This whole calendar thing is complicated enough as it is! They say it’s all about the dates, like March this to April that. Too much for this old brain, I tell ya. They even got yearly and monthly overviews. Sounds like a lotta hocus pocus if you ask me.
But hey, folks like to have somethin’ to believe in, right? And if lookin’ at the stars helps ’em figure out their lives, then more power to ’em. Me? I just get up with the rooster and go to bed with the chickens. That’s my kinda calendar. But you city folks with your fancy astrology and your “portal to the stars,” well, you go right ahead and enjoy yourselves. Just don’t come cryin’ to me when your stars don’t line up right.
So there ya have it, my take on them calendar zodiac signs. Hope it made some sense to ya, even though I ain’t no expert. Just an old woman sharin’ what she knows.
Tags: [Zodiac Signs, Astrology, Horoscope, Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces, Ophiuchus, Dates, Personality]